Tentang Blog

Friday, November 27, 2020

Talking about life

  

Hello world,



2020 nearly goes to its end. Countless lesson learns from many cases in life from around neighborhood to someone whom I never met before. It is just that we are a soul & human being despite we come to the world in many shapes. Deep down we shared same feeling to be able to overcome our daily life difficulties and be happier day by day.

Yes, being a happy person and seeing our loved ones happy. It’s the greatest feeling in the world.

How to be happy? It’s the questions we commonly ask and seek. Becoming in that state is the greatest achievement one would so proud of.

What things make me happy? I know that I better ask myself every morning so I can use my time well. I will not be lost in thought but by action.

The thing was that sometimes I am not aware of what I seek of so that I lost in mixed feeling of being an ungrateful soul.  My vision become unclear and I struggle to find my purpose in life.  However, one thing I know that its ok sometimes to feel not ok and its valid to sometimes feel that dark feeling. Realizing that we always have option and back to our purpose soul. Each of us has a mission in life.

We then define our happiness in life differently and its totally fine and beautiful. For me personally, I will get very happy from aha moment in my daily life, well it may seem usual for other people. From being able to go to washroom and poop, enjoying my alone time, reading a good book, being listened without judge and having a good discussion with friends, my boundaries being respected as well as finishing my work.

Most people struggle during this hard time. I am grateful that I still have my monthly allowance, have healthy family and friends that I can talk to. Well, I don’t know want to be cliché and say that I feel the whole all the time. 

My love life sucks. Lol. Not that I pity myself but I guess it makes me happier. Unfortunately for me,  I  either  developed feelings to unavailable man or the time  and distance was not that friendly. 

The thing is that I haven’t met that someone yet. I hope the best but I know that I will not settle for less. Its not that because of my age or the social pressure that I will decide to commit.   Considering that  relationship is big responsibility and hard work (while my mom said that people in the past were able to live with more than 5 childs, so that you young guys will be ok. I am not going to debate my mom) and that I have to find compatible partner who will respect and treat me like what I deserve. 

So meeting a partner will be a state of my happiness? Not really, I have to be happy with myself then I will able to be happy with another person. 

All start with waking up early in the morning (its ok thoo a bit late), being aware of breathing, being grateful and setting a life purpose daily.

 

Thursday, November 5, 2020

Damn

 


I thought he will always lift me up
Or available 
For my grudge or useless comments of life 
For my needy of attention 
For my smart & sweet talk
and I thought I deserve his deep affection
I am left questioned of his motive
Sometimes I felt (loved?)
Sometimes I felt questioning
I know logically non sense 
To feel all the feeling 
But it was real, cute, lifting, comforting, warm
For me being self centred  (I guess) and having little understanding and 
That overthinking 
That ruins things

...
I don't like that take care at all
Show me some effort or (am I even deserve that?) 


Menikah

"Bemana, kapan nikah? " "Eh, tidak jelas", lalu overthinking Topik mengenai pernikahan nyatanya tahun menjadi salah satu...