One way to express your feeling

The worst part is that you were not able to be angry at a person because you have no right. Who are you? The pain is real. You can't be mad but it has to be released so that you feel better.  You know that is not anyone fault but your expectation so you were mad at yourself. However, you know that is unfair to blame just yourself, but again you couldn't angry to anyone. Besides you have learnt  that stoic attitude, nothing matters till you react to it. 

Thinking about it, you start questioning and feeling bad and you have to release that kind of feeling. If no, it would be bad for your health and vibration. You would like to sleep with calmness and high vibration because you deserve it the most. You deserve it. You have to find way to release it. Writing is one but you feel like to punch someone but its impossible. 

Finally, listening to rock music is one of good way. I just start listening to it, hoping my anger will be expressed well. I love myself and hoping that I can stay as stoic as possible for every problem appearing in my life. Knowing that music can help one express feeling but to feel it to release an emotion is different thing. After listening for a while, I think I feel better and even want to cry myself. At least, I am feeling good. 

Writing Prompt: What you remember the most from your childhood?

  Answering question I guess is one way to keep me doing the productive writing. I felt stuck on what have to write so I checked on this list of questions. 

This one is interesting question, What I remember the most? It is the days I spent with my friends Arni and Eni when we were spending time, reading. Mostly all our conversations or activities related to the new magazines, books or comics. We spent time reading in Arni's house. Hideous way, at first, reading Arni's sister's magazine. It was Aneka Yess, sometimes Femina or Kartini. We sat in Arni's comfy sofa or sit at the edge of her bed. Sometimes new comics that we rent in rent store or borrow from other friends. We patiently took turn to read one by one. For comics, its quite fast, one sit and its finish. I miss those time and actually it was a good memory to be remembered. 

Besides that, we also had the habit every birthdays. The birthday girl would buy free meatball in our  favorite warung. Its quite unfair but well, the birthday girl got gifts. We were not quite fun in making event or had it big people around. It was just us but yeah we did in meaningful way. I forgot what kind of conversation that we had but we always have not enough time to gather and chat. 

Days when our exams just few months away were also nice to be remembered. Spent time wisely in group works from a friend house to another friend house. The important part was not the learning but the snack and cups of coffee or tea in every house we visit. It was good old days. We were young. Some friends were expressive. Its a mix. There always the chatty one, the nerd one and the playful one. Missing those days. Nowadays, my friends have their own families, kids and works. I hope their happy and healthy.

Sad Feeling

  It is easy to feel sad recently and the fact that I know why I become sad. It is unusual feeling. New kind. I have never feel this kind of sad before.  The feeling of  disappointed has brought mixed feeling. I wonder whether the reason was accidentally.  I hope so. I feel bad for people if they intentionally to do so, so that they can sense and feel more about themselves. 

Adulting and growing includes bitterness and upset feeling. You always have the option to gracefully accept and move on the next chapter. Now you know!

Flowers

 

Flowers bloom everywhere 

even in the most dryness 

if only that you see as it is 

But it is what it is 

Pain, just survive and thrive to give birth

new leaf comes, old bloom leaves

What's the point of being?

It is the tear we shed 

during hard days 

or laugh at small things 

in the words of little children, 

in their giggles of funny jokes 

in your stare

in your act 

in your laugh

I find myself blooming 

Guru said, life is a mix 

Sometimes left you with pain

You should laugh at your vulnerability

Early in the morning 

Sound of birds & chickens,

Clock tickling, farmers out of the house

Bed is still warm, don't leave  

Can we be cats, till the sun hits, till we're  hungry

and life continues  

with the glasses  of coffee & tea, bills paid

page of writings, emails replied

failed applications, numerous opportunities 

list of good books, adventurous trips and 

stories in between

chatty

silly

fun

sad

Like a field 

Throwing ball at each other

Not trying to catch and save 

give and everything

then it will come to and end 

Flowers 

Be watered enough

Will be your beautiful forever

Life of One

 Life of someone

Its amazingly beautiful painted 

Moving phase to phase

Slowly, fast, sometimes 

stagnant but certainly changes 

As time goes by

Together with cells of the body, mind and thoughts 

One did, made mistakes, learnt from it and continue living

Where to go? Who should be invited? Who deserve a share? What’s for?

What will make someone the happiest?

It's a continuous question 

That is why one couldn’t stop learning 

Evolve, adapt, enrich, strive

Changing day by day

Is it better? 

It's only when there is a silence

To reflect, to wait, to questions 

Life of one

For that one and only 

Self

Other self

Earth

Partner

Family

Friends

Community 

Universe

Tips on Improving English

 

Hello folks, 

I hope this time that I am able to reach students audience who are eager to continue their study, attend free summer schools in other countries or simply those who want to be able to speak English for working. 

Well, let me say that I am just a person who love to improve my skill. I once could not understand English at all.Just some basic knowledge in Senior High School. Just love to pick up a new vocabulary and use it so I can remember it. This writing is a genuine reminder that the skill will be present for those who seek. The important is setting goals and knowing how to get there. I am a hometown girl, born and raised in small town of Bajawa, Flores, East Nusa Tenggara attended a local average high school. Our area has no English courses institution (during my school days)- This information is to energizes you, to motivate you that we all can dream, can make it happen. I can so you too.

Firs of all is setting your goals. Whether you want to continue your study or simply to put it in your CV. By this goals as example,  you know that you have to pass certain TOEFL score. 

It is said that aim step by step. You can reach a top of mountain (speaking and writing very well) but maybe reach for a certain score first.  

Graduating from high school, I entered uni my TOEFL score was around 300 (2007). At that time I didnt event know it is good or bad and I didnt care. When it was time to graduate, it was required to test again and mine was around 400(2011). During that time, 2007-2012 of course I attended English Uni course, well the goal is just to pass the course and at least can read English literature while attending uni. At least to get a B and so all good. Somehow. While there are some student who have awared the important of TOEFL score in getting abroad scholarship or attend summer scholarship. I recommend you to look for opportunities. If you think you are still far away from that at least you know TOEFL score it's quite important.

Real life, adult life came. You don't have time to play, get lazy or ask your parents. There is yourself to be fed, bills to be paid. I somehow was forced to find a way to improve my CV. Why? I don't have an outstanding GPA (and no, its not the only requirement nowadays), I don't want to work in Chemical industry, but I love to learn new things and don't limit myself for opportunities. My short goals was I wanted to work in INGOs at the time then continue study so I can back home. I don't see myself working longer time in Jakarta. Since I know my goals I then try to improve my TOEFL score. 

How? Consulting and borrowing my friends, other fellow student who passionate in learnings English materials and apps. At the time, they have tried  official TOEFL test/IELTS and they had planned to go for master degree abroad.

 Lucky me, that I have a really good friend that love to teach, share and believe and motivate fellow friends that they can if they want. He said that once someone graduate, it is easy for them to get above 500 score. They are willing to share their tips and how they learn so if it suits your learning style you can copy them or adapt in your convenience. 2. Attend TOEFL prediction test ( its cheaper then the official one/ITP 

Secondly, use all the resources you have. Nowadays, we can have all the apps for learning in our mobile phone. Use your time wisely. Realizing that I have difficulties in understanding and catching English words in listening section, I then listened do the sound of TOEFL listening section for months, really for months every night even I don't understand. I become familiar with the question, how it sounds and it really helps me facing my TOEFL test. 

After all, the last tip that I can share is that being yourself, being brave to  practice, learn, to make mistakes. I wrote simple daily life story in English in this blog in my early days focusing. I join an English club. I was in Jakarta at the time and joined Brithzone in Senayan while I was working in West Jakarta. Well, if you know how the hectic during weekend in transJak Harmony Kalideres but I managed because I have a clear goal.

Once you know your objectives, set your goal, you can use your resources well and don't be shy to practive.  My friend ever say to me, no don't posts in English, its like you brag about yourself.  I mean do like I care? All I do is learning. From that, I can get job easily, I can feed myself and my family and I can catch my dream. Follow your gut, always!

Past and Present

 Why you appear again in my dream

Its clearly pictured
We walked, the same path I guess, years ago
It was wet road
still

We talked, exchanges stories
We both happy
We both laughed to the same jokes still
Time flies
I know you are happy and so do I

I guess
Nothing left anymore

What happens lately?

Hi world,

Can I kiss you again?
Can I nag and murmur at you? For all the unfairnes and sadness happen lately.

Hello, Its been a while to leave writing habit. I am happy to be back again. Jiwa lamaku bersorak sorai sebab waktunya kembali menghampiri.

Dunia perpolitikan Indonesia sedang sedih sedihnya. Presiden baru muka lama yang sedang diuji keberpihakannya, dengan gaya lama pencitraan yang coba dibawakan kembali. Beberapa orang bilang sudah saatnya "social media strategist" -nya diganti. Butuh orang baru, butuh inovasi. Lebih tepatnya, please bapak e su ti pake itu pencitraan, kasih solusi masalah saja bapak. Masa setelah kunjung lahan yang dibakar dan melihat derita masyarakat yang menghirup kabut asap, tim bapak lalu posting soal menghabiskan waktu keluarga. Then I can't blame people throwing critics at you but you deserve.

Lalu mari bergeser ke persetujuan undang-undang KPK. It took no time to be agreed like I mean they were kind of rushing it, didn't they? Its kind of sad there were not so many protests on it from people that I think would like help common people like us to understand what is it about. Rest in Peace, KPK! Lebih banyak birokrasi yang harus dilewati juga perizinan pada kelompok dewan yang terhormat. Lalu tidak akan ada yang ditangkap karena kasus korupsi. Semuanya aman sesuai prosedur. I was a bit surprised and sad there were no so much protest and booming like other issues really. Where are you people?  There was a hope at the end of the week, to see students being a part of the movement. Super proud.

Kemudian RUU KUHP yang beberapa memuat poin-poin yang masih mengandung ketidakadilan pada minoritas juga tidak jelas. Mereka yang gelandangan didenda, is this a problem solving way? memutus rantai permasalahan pada akarnya?

Menertawai undang -undang yang lebih fokus ke urusan selangkangan dan menutup informasi untuk pendidikan seksual sejak dini. Padahal informasi ini penting sekali. Tentu saja dengan poin penting pada target dan gaya penyampaian.

I was in Makassar last month, bought underwears with group of friends. Ifa was an activist in giving children sexual education.  As one that exposed with so much information available in term of sexuality, I was embarrassed to bring to a cashier whom was a man so I gave my underwears to my friend. Ifa, who was like a mother, Ka Rosa kenapa? Kasih sendiri aja? Kenapa malu kak?"
This was one of scene that I contemplated the most for the whole week, I realized that I am lacking on deep understanding about being a woman and facing her sexuality.

This one shall not pass. Sending lots of love and hugs for those who speak up about this. Universe will conspire for all the fairness ideas, action and movement.